HOW TO SUCCEED WITH WOMEN
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The Mastery Program

Day 15

The Basics of Flirting and the "Rules of Women"

Now we stop teaching the fundamentals and start teaching the specifics of talking to women. But first we need to cover some aspects of women's behavior that you must be aware of. We call these facts the "Rules of Women."

These "Rules of Women" are generalizations--you will, of course, be able to find women who are exceptions to these "rules." Don't worry about it. The bottom line is, your interactions with women will go more easily if you act as though these rules are true.
  • Men often relate to women like they are screwed up men. Women are not just "screwed up men," or "illogical men." They are women. If you relate to women as if they were just screwed up men, you'll always be trying to fix women and always be trying to make them act the way you wish they would act (that is, the way you would act).

  • Integrity. Women do not have integrity the same way men do. While men are more likely to have integrity to their word, women are more likely to have integrity to their feelings. This means that if a woman's feelings tell her to do something that is contrary to what she said she'd do--such as showing up for a date--she's likely to do what her feelings tell her to, rather than to follow her commitment. Another way to say this is to say that women are, on the whole, more committed to doing what their emotions tell them than they are to keeping their word. Don't let this drive you crazy. It's not bad, just different than the way you are.

  • Changing their minds.Women want to be able to change their minds as much as they want, whenever they want, for whatever reason they want or for no reason at all. This may seem crazy or illogical to you, but remember--she's following her feelings, not her verbal commitments.

  • Women use hints and innuendoes to tell you what they want. When you interact with women, don't expect them to be direct with you about what they want. Once again, this isn't being screwed up, it's just a difference between the ways men and women do things. This means that when you ask women what they want, you should provide a menu of options, rather than expecting her to generate anything.

  • Women want life to be an unending date. Women want things to be romantic, and in some ways prefer an emotional roller coaster to things being calm. Another way to say this is to say that woman have a wide emotional range, and want to express it fully.

  • Women can be surprisingly mean. Many men who've gone through a divorce have found out how surprisingly mean women can be. In some ways this is because women are more invested in the concept of "fairness" than men are. While you don't expect life to be fair, and don't think about it much, the women in your life very well might. So if you feel shafted, you might not do much about it...but if a woman feels shafted, often she feels it's "only fair" for her to even the score.

  • Women often start, steer and end relationships. From time to time it's useful to consider the possibility that women date you when they want to, and get rid of you when they want to, and will set you up to be the "bad guy" when they are ready for the relationship to end. Warning: this is not an excuse to be a jerk, and then to say, "She must have wanted it that way." It's simply a useful perspective to take from time to time; you are still responsible for your actions.

  • Women want what they want when they want it because they want it. Asking a woman why she wants something, or, even worse, why she doesn't, is always a mistake. She wants it because she wants it. Which, when you think about it, is basically true for you, too. Give her the space to want what she wants when she wants it because she wants it, and don't let it drive you crazy if it doesn't make sense to you.
Flirting--what is it?

Talking to women--also known as flirting--shows a woman that you can be playful and fun. It also gets you into her world, and shows her that you are capable of discovering her values and passions, and acknowledging and admiring them. Over the next bunch of lessons we'll be digging into all the specifics of flirting with women, having "deepening" conversations with women, and (on the CDs) showing you real examples with real women in the studio.

Other topics covered in day 15 of the CD version of the Mastery Program:
  • Review. You've done the fundamentals. Now what?

  • How you go from interrupting/initiating to flirting.

  • As a seducer, the main product you have to sell is the words that come out of your mouth. Making the most of that fact.

  • How to overcome your fear of being silly with women.

  • How silliness is related to seductiveness and sexiness...if you aren't able to be at least a little silly with a woman, you won't be seductive or sexy, either.

  • Overcoming the fear that "everyone will know" if you start flirting with women.

  • Overcoming rejection fear in practicing flirting.

  • Overcoming other fears that stop you from practicing flirting.

  • "Intermittent reinforcement"--The secret of "jerks women love." How to use intermittent reinforcement without being a jerk yourself.

  • Handling the hardest part of flirting with women.

  • "peppering it in," and not overwhelming her.

  • how to practice flirting with everyone.

  • Specific homework for the day.

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Mastery CD set